We’ve reached the Strictly halfway mark, and the judges are getting tough. Well, sort of. Sometimes. Consistency is like, so hard, you guys. Particularly FOR THE MEN.

I’m beginning to wonder what, exactly, happened in Len Goodman’s youth to make him so impassioned in his defence of what he deems the weaker sex. Was his über-macho masculinity mocked by a dance teacher? Did his rippling muscles burst out of a lycra polo shirt during a traumatic competition, popped sequins stabbing him in the eye? (Of course, if we’re casting The Hulk: The Musical!, Steve “Too Manly To Function” Backshall must be top of the list.)

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