It was so much worse than we could ever have feared. Strictly’s foray into international waters made Eurovision look positively restrained, tasteful and nuanced. Around The World In 80 Cultural Appropriation Nightmares Week made a mockery of ballroom, logic, fairness and every single country that had the misfortune to be featured. Bury this atrocity and salt the earth, lest the rest of the world come upon it and annihilate the lot of us.
The main problem – well, one problem – oh, where to start… Logic. Yes. If you’re going to do an Around The World theme, why oh why would you not pair the dances with their countries of origin, allowing us to find out more about the roots of the rumba or waltz or Argentine tango? Why torture a) the celebs b) the pros and c) us by doing a Heston and forcing together two elements that should never, never meet in this life? It added a wildly unnecessary challenge, smothered the dances and rendered the entire show baffling.