Oh Strictly Halloween Week, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways…

• Idiotic VTs If I comment on every single one of these, I will cry. Instead, each am-dram fright with the production values of a 1970s training video will be ranked on a scale of 1 to 10 – 1 being dumb, 10 making me want to start Googling “Hitman offering special seasonal rate”.
• Styling atrocities When asking people to vote for you, it helps if they can, you know, actually SEE you. But no! Let’s turn the show into a Gothic Where’s Wally? If you can identify any of the celebs embalmed in greasepaint, you win a prize. The prize being the name of the ADHD toddler who applied it while simultaneously rocking out to “Let It Go”.

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