Strictly is back, and it has a bold new strategy for fending off the competition: absorb it all, like some kind of light-entertainment power-ingesting cannibal. Hence the patronising Gogglebox people-watching-people-watching-telly opening and X Factor belief that logic and coherence only impede your judging panel.
Len, clearly corrupted by America, was overly scripted (albeit using a script composed entirely of muddled metaphors and tortured rhymes – GIVE IT UP, LEN, “MULL OF KINTYRE” HAS DEFEATED YOU); Darcey, conversely, has been left to wander into some kind of Dadaist stoner dream state. Come back to us, Darce, but leave the Hillary Clinton circa 1994 power hairmet behind. It has robbed you of your ability to form a complete sentence.