There are great episodes of Strictly, there are terrible episodes of Strictly, and there are those so generic, so lacklustre, so totally devoid of meaning that they fail to make any discernable impression whatsoever. The Ed Milibands, if you will.
It was inevitable we’d suffer a comedown from last week’s kerr-azy Blackpool hijinks (well, all apart from Bruno, who is incapable of operating at any level beneath “Mildly psychotic flirtation with a side order of hysterical puppy dying to go out for a wee”), but this was the comedown to end all comedowns. It was almost as if all the energy in the universe was being sucked up by some other BBC phenomenon, leaving us with forgettable routines, half-hearted puns and the scoring equivalent of beige.
Best in Show
Who am I kidding? For this week only, it’s Most Mediocre in Show
- Most mediocre performance: Ashley’s waltz It comes to something when the best (least mediocre?) male celeb in the competition struggles to land a patented Jordan cheeseball waltz. IN WEEK 9.
- Most mediocre costume: Natalie’s tango dress Could this be a series-defining performance? Oh. She’s wearing a wipe-clean Ribena oilcloth. Probably not, then.
- Most mediocre move: Patrick’s botched fusion finale Floor spin! Running splits! Kitchen sink! It’s almost as if Anya sensed this would be a sadly tedious end to a sadly tedious show and tried to save us all.
- Most mediocre line: “Something something something, tenuous Doctor Who link.” Cheers, Len.